The Arnolfi Portrait, by Jan van Eyck
Eyck depicts how Father’s Day is always a good day to let a man know he should begin preparing for Grandfather’s Day (September 7th).
Father: “The dog howls at your belly; you have removed your shoes for comfort; you have a devil’s horn sprouting from your head; your reflection does not show in the mirror! Obviously you have been deflowered and impregnated! Probably on this very bed, covered with sheets the color of sin!”
Daughter: “No, it was…”
He raised his hand for silence and glanced at his daughter modestly covering up her midsection.
“What shall we do with you, Rosemary? I do not know that I can trust your baby in this house.”
“Oh, Daddy, take my hand. Let us pray to Woden, the Snow Queen, any deity who can help me!”
“Here take my towel. Cover up your head.”
He began to pray, “Dear Heavely Entity who has allowed this atrocity to pass through our doorway, oh, fill my head with the wisdom to know the humanity of my godson, and if he be less than god-fearing, bleeding baby, let me know who in the village to turn to. If the father be from Narnia or, worse, Finland, I beg that you not hold it against him and restore to him all his mental facilities. And, most of all, give me prosperity, oh give me the bread and gold necessary to track him down and enslave him, make him an Eunuch for the rest of his days in Ghent.”
“Thank you Daddy, I love you!”